So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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