I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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