What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
