I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
