i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize