Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
