Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
