Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
