i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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