maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize