The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
last night I used snow as a chaser
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
