I cannot find my penis.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
