i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
