Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
