Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
