I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
