Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
