i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
