yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
