On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
