Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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