Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize