i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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