did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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