listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize