I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
