Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
