My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
