she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
