I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
