I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
