All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
