How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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