marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
