take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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