I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
