I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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