i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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