My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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