The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
