I need help removing her.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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