woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
