I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
