I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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