My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
