I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
