saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
