Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
