guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
