I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
