I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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