i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
