Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
