my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
