smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
