Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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