i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
