have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
