i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
