I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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