He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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