I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
