Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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