the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize