I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
