It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
