We named our party play list daddy issues
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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