Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
