Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
