All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
