A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
