just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
