Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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