she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
