Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
