I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
