I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
