It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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