I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
