Is it normal to miss your booty call?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
