just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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