why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
