On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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