yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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