dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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