Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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