I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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