life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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