dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
