FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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