Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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