i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
