Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
