im drinking this country out of the recession.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
