I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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