I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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