yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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