Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
